MaryMeKpop

 

*sigh* Oh Bangtan.. the things you have done to me…What have you done to me?! /cries/

It’s been a while since my last appreciation post for BTS so I’m back with another one. I believe it’s been 2 years since I’ve last written an appreciation post for them on this blog and A LOT has happened within the last two years with both their music career as well as my experience as an ARMY so I thought it’d be good to post a new appreciation blog for them and provide an update on how I feel about them now to mark my progress and experience as an ARMY.

In addition, today marks the 4th year since BTS has debuted on June 13, 2013 meaning it’s been 4 years since I’ve been with them! There are many many things to celebrate and commemorate and appreciate so I’m gonna try my best to write all those things I appreciate in this post.

It’s gonna be very challenging and difficult to write down everything about BTS that I’m proud of them for, that I want to say to them, that I love and appreciate about them so this post won’t fully engulf and encompass everything, but I guess that’s just what happens when you have too much love for a group of 7 talented, goofy, amazing, hardworking, and humble guys right? You just don’t know where to start?

Since their debut 4 years ago, BTS has come a long way. They have come a very long way. 4 years ago they could barely gather 2,000 people to attend their concerts and fanmeetings. They were practicing and training endlessly for as long as 3 years with group member changes and additions without a hint of success or debut in sight. Just repeating the daily routine of training that they were so used to and hoping that they would debut one day and be able to stand on stage with the music that they were making. When I think back about how hard BTS had it or how much they were going through and then seeing where they are now, my heart hurts seeing just how bad it was for them years ago (b/c they’re my babys and I never want them to have to go through any pain or hurt or sadness) but also a sense of warmth also keeps me calm knowing that all their hard work has paid off. 4 years later here they are winning awards and daesangs and finishing up their sold-out world tour and being the first K-Pop group to ever win an award at the BBMA’s. There are so many accomplishments that BTS has achieved since their debut and although I can’t list every single one in this post because there would be too many and that would take a little bit too much time, they’ve grown and have done so much and as an ARMY who’s been there since the very beginning with their debut, I couldn’t be any prouder.

As my earlier blog post mentioned, I had the privilege, chance, and amazing opportunity to see BTS live at concert for their Wings concert in Anaheim, LA (I still can’t believe I saw them to this day tbh). During the concert, Rap Monster mentioned about how BTS only had 2,000 fans during their concert 2 years ago and 2 years later here they are performing at sold-out concerts all over the world. It’s a huge accomplishment for them, especially they were able to do this within a time span of 2 years since their last concert tour. For BTS, success definitely did not come easy just as how it doesn’t come easy for other groups, but especially for BTS who came from a small company, debuted at a time when the K-Pop music industry was already over-saturated as it was with new and existing idol groups, and didn’t have much to begin with, they had to work even harder to get to where they are now. And it was through this hard work and determination that they were able to win daesangs and gain millions of fans throughout the world. Sometimes words can’t describe the process and journey that BTS had to go through to get to where they are now. For Rap Monster and Suga who were the starting members of BTS, they were so poor and they barely had any money and they were struggling to live and to make money and to buy food and were dealing with mental health issues and depression, but a few years later and here they are making hella money and being able to afford luxurious food such as lobster and steak in the United States. Hard work does pay off and for BTS they’re finally seeing their hard work come to life. As an ARMY of 4 years, you feel a sense of happiness and joy in seeing them happy and successful. I’m also really proud of how far they’ve come, because they’ve worked so hard to get to where they are now and I wouldn’t have wanted things to be any other way. What’s meant to be will happen and BTS was meant to be this successful and important in many people’s lives.

Individual Members:

Speaking about BTS as a whole makes me wanna cry, but I get even more emotional just thinking about what I appreciate about each member because they’re all so precious and BTS wouldn’t be BTS without each of them. #7-1=0

Jin: I really appreciate just how goofy, clumsy, and free Seokjin is. He doesn’t hold back anymore and he always so freaking extra but I absolutely love that about him. He doesn’t try to fit himself into this (false) image that people might have of him and he doesn’t act like someone he’s not; he acts like himself and he’s not afraid to embarrass himself (or the other members). He’s true to himself and to his fans and he acts the way he wants to which I appreciate. He’s proud of his dad jokes and he takes pride in being the oldest of BTS and he’s okay with not being the best dancer of BTS. It’s so refreshing to see someone like Jin be proud of himself and to be confident in his looks (he has every right to be proud of his looks cus damn boi be looking hella fine all the time) and to act like himself, because often times in the K-Pop industry, all people care about are their looks and their image which then places them into this box where they end up acting in certain ways to fit the image that people has molded of them or that they have of themselves, but for Seokjin, he really doesn’t care about any of that and he is just himself (aka he’s not fake). On camera, his ‘extra-ness’ might him look childish or immature, but I’m pretty sure as the oldest of the group, he also takes really good care of the other members. He feels this sense of responsibility to look over the other members, to cook for them, to drive them places (aka taking Jungkook to high school when our maknae was still attending school), etc etc. so he might seem kiddish on camera but off camera I’m pretty sure there’s a mature side of him that we don’t often get to see. Seokjin is full of confidence and he loves himself and he accepts all his flaws and mistakes and I love that about him. Yeah, he might not be the best dancer in BTS but he tries his best and he’s continually improving and he still manages to catch up with the rest of the members in terms of learning and performing the choreography. Yeah, he might not be the best vocalist in BTS, but he has such a soft and alluring voice who can belt high notes if needed and who can sing with emotions and feels as demonstrated in ‘Awake.’ There have been complaints regarding Seokjin’s position in BTS and how he doesn’t really serve a purpose in BTS, but he is and does so much more than just the shallow conventional kind of roles and positions that is expected in idol groups. He is more than just his singing and dancing in BTS; he is BTS’s oldest member who takes great care of the other members by looking out for them and supporting them (not to mention the immense pressure and guilt he faces being the oldest of BTS). Honestly, we don’t even know everything that he does for BTS. He could (and probably is) doing so much more for them that we don’t know about or aren’t exposed to. Seokjin is so pivotal to BTS so no, he is not useless in BTS. Even if he’s not necessarily the strongest in singing and dancing (fuck your conventional expectations of singing and dancing being the only standards that determines talent in a group), that doesn’t mean that he’s useless and should be kicked out. Jin is needed in BTS every single way. And. He. Is. Important. ily jin. love me too pls.

Suga: Suga and I have had a very interesting relationship. In my fanaccount of my concert experience, I talked about how Yoongi was my least favorite member in BTS, but all of this changed ever since the concert. Ever since the concert, my perception and thoughts of Yoongi has changed positively. Before the concert, I didn’t really pay as much attention to him as I did with the other members and he was my least favorite member in BTS, but seeing him live and watching him perform changed everything. He performs with such passion and determination and intensity you can just feel his madness and the fire he spits out during his raps. You feel it, you see it, you can smell it – it’s amazing how much stage energy Yoongi has. His performance of ‘First Love’ was one of my favorite performances at the concert and I’m forever shook and changed by that performance because now I cannot listen to ‘First Love’ the same way ever again without thinking about his performance nor can I look at Yoongi the same way again. My level of appreciation for him has definitely increased significantly since the concert to where now I care for him a lot more and is taking a lot more interest in him and who he is (not that I didn’t before but you know what I’m saying). I’m not really sure how to articulate this change in appreciation; it just kind of happened and now I love Yoongi so so much more than I did before. I find myself attracted to him even more whenever I see him in videos or GIFs. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I’m a lot more attracted to him now and I find him a lot more charming as well. The way that he always wants to sleep or work on music are feelings that I definitely can relate to. I always want to sleep too and I love music so like there are things that I have in common with Yoongi (delusions aside). I appreciate how passionate he is with music, exploring and solidifying his identity as Agust D and now even composing for artists like Suran. He’s taking huge steps as an artist and musician, writing lyrics and helping produce songs not only for BTS but now for other people as well which is a huge stepping stone and a move that requires a lot of confidence and courage so I’m proud of Yoongi for doing this. It’s not easy to make music for others, much less make music in general, but he’s doing it and there’s a sense of pride that I feel as an ARMY knowing this. Yoongi isn’t the type to show his feelings or emotions so when I saw him breaking down during the MAMA Awards when BTS won the Daesang, it especially hit me because we often don’t get to witness that side of him. And it also made me really just think about how difficult and painful and doubtful times must have been for him and Namjoon pre-debut. They both endured years of training not knowing if they were going to debut, if they were going to make any money, if they were going to be successful, etc. Just imagine living with a few other members and going on with your daily routine of training for years while being clouded with thoughts of doubt and uncertainty and hopelessness. Yoongi went through a very rough and difficult time pre-debut. He sold albums on the streets before entering Big Hit and barely made any profit off of his CD’s because no one would buy from him. He wasn’t making any money so he got accepted into Big Hit and was able to develop and improve his skills in rapping, song writing, composing, etc. and look at where all of those years of devotion and investment and hard work has lead him to. He is now in BTS, successful as ever, and a lead rapper of this amazing group. I can’t even get started on his rapping as well. I’m not Korean nor am I an expert on rapping so I can’t say much about it, but I would like to believe that his rapping is exceptional and different. All I can say is you don’t want to mess with Yoongi when it comes to rapping because he is a beast. His rapping is out of this world. I cry when I listen to his verses in the BTS cyphers, because he’s just that good (I cry and scream internally when he raps). But yes, Yoongi is amazing throughout and I appreciate how courageous and determined he always is even when it seems like all odds are against him.

Rap Monster: It breaks my heart when I think about Rap Monster, because a part of me feels like he’s so insecure and doubtful about himself. He’s uncertain and doubtful about his lyrics, about the songs he helps produce, about his music, about everything he does and it pains my heart to see this because he’s amazing at everything and anything he does. He’s so talented, so intelligent, so creative, so charming, so attractive, and yet everyone sees this but himself. It’s obvious that he’s all of these things and so much more but himself. Rap Monster has so much potential and we’ve been fortunate enough to have witnessed that potential through BTS’s music, performances, concerts, videos, collaborations, etc etc and I wish Rap Monster wouldn’t think so badly about himself. I know (and he always talks about it) that he is always so constantly worried about being the leader of BTS. It’s such a huge weight on his shoulders and he feels insecure and doubtful about his leadership skills and his responsibility as the leader of BTS. He doesn’t know if he’s doing a good job or he feels as if he’s not and I want him to know that there are many factors and reasons as to why BTS is as successful and huge as they are now and I sincerely and honestly believe that Rap Monster’s position as the leader is one of those reasons that has contributed significantly to BTS’s journey to success. You don’t often explicitly see Rap Monster as the leader where he shoves it in your face that he’s the leader of BTS; his leadership I would say happens more behind the scenes whether that’s him writing lyrics for the album songs or during practices where he might lead and advise the members how to do certain things or in other situations which is why I remember watching a clip of BTS where they were about to perform and they were all huddled ready to get on stage and Rap Monster was talking to them about what they should do on stage and all the members looked at him and gave him their utmost respect and attention and I think it was in this moment that I thought to myself, omg I’m finally witnessing Rap Monster be the leader of BTS (I think it especially hit me when I saw Jin staring at Rap Monster and listening to him attentively b/c he’s the eldest of the group but he’s paying such great attention to Rap Monster). I remember at one point I was very in love with Rap Monster. I had completely fallen in love with him and I didn’t know what these feelings were b/c I never had any other feelings for the other BTS members other than for Jimin so here Rap Monster was swerving into my lane and I’m completely baffled and confused. But the reason as to why I was so into him at that time (I still am now but I’ve calmed down) was b/c this was around the time of the BBMA’s and seeing just how hard-working Rap Monster was being the representative of BTS and answering all the interview questions in english and translating the questions to the other BTS members so they wouldn’t feel left out as well and also understand what was going on and basically just representing BTS in another country in another language that is not his own made me so proud which is why I fell for him so hard. I wrote a tumblr post about this where I said:

1) i love how great of a leader he is

2) the way he talked in English so effortlessly and flawlessly (that he taught himself mind you) during all the 500000 interviews he did at the BBMA’s

3) the way he took care of the other members by translating to them the questions so they weren’t excluded and didn’t always feel confused and so they knew what was going on and could have some fun as well and so it wasn’t always just him talking

4) the inspirational things he said in his winning speech like how we should love ourselves (we know how much this means to bts themselves when majority of their songs is about this and to rap mon in particular who sings about it in ‘reflection’)

5)  the way he looked HELLA ALMIGHTY DAMN FIIIIINE AT THE BBMA’S WITH THAT HAIR THOSE LIPS THAT FOREHEAD (HNGGGG FOREHEAD IS MY WEAKNESS) THOSE DIMPLES THAT SMILE LIKE NAMJOON PLS HAVE MERCY i beg U

6) the way he always thanks ARMY’s (regardless of where they’re from) for everything every single time

7) the way he always remains hella humble even though bts just won an award at BBMA’s and was the first kpop group to ever do so (aka making history and maintaining that bts legacy) and how even though bts has gotten hella big over the years both domestically and internationally with their sold out world tours and now with the BBMA’s, he never forgets where he came from or how he got to where he is (mentioning in that one BBMA interview after they had won the award that bts and big hit started out small and weren’t big names in kpop back then)

LIKE IDK WHAT ELSE NAMJOON IS GONNA DO THAT’S GONNA MAKE MY HEART SWAY LEFT AND RIGHT UP AND DOWN SIDE TO SIDE UPSIDE DOWN AND UP RIGHT AND I’M SO FUCKED B/C THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE WITH NAMJOON BUT I’M NOT EVEN GONNA TRY TO FIGHT IT ANYMORE AND JUST ACCEPT IT AND GO ALONG WITH IT AND SEE HOW LONG THIS WILL LAST AND WHERE THIS WILL GO B/C EVERYTHING HE’S DONE UP TO THIS POINT HAS GOT ME SO WHIPPED FOR HIM AND HE’S SO GOD DAMN ATTRACTIVE

but don’t misunderstand i will always have heart eyes for jimin but damn. kim fucking nam fucking joon tho y’all

And I told this to my friend and I remember her just texting me back like “MARY?! IS THIS YOU?! THIS ISN’T YOU YOU’RE NOT LIKE THIS” (b/c I only got eyes for Jimin ya know?) and it was just so funny because I also felt the same way. Like I don’t know why I was feeling this way for our leader and why i was caught up in these feels and i was so confused b/c I’ve never felt that way before for any other member LOL. But it was just funny and I wish Rap Monster would give himself lots of credit for being the leader of BTS and taking on such an important, heavy, and critical role in the group. I also noticed that Rap Monster also worries a lot about the future and in particular the future of BTS and where they’re gonna be a few years from now which is why I think he (and the rest of BTS) are so humble. They understand that yes, they have worked so hard to get to where they are now, but they could lose all of that at any moment so they work even harder and they appreciate the moments they are in right now. I would want Rap Monster to know that he is doing a wonderful job as the leader of BTS and I want him to love himself more and not be so doubtful and uncertain about himself because he’s amazing and he’s so talented and well-rounded. Like he said in his BBMA award speech, love myself love yourself. Please love yourself more Kim Namjoon :’)

J-hope: Oh no… I can’t write about Hobi. I just can’t! My heart hurts when I think about him. He deserves everything good in this world. He’s an angel. AN ANGEL AND HE DOESN’T DESERVE TO BE SAD OR MAD OR ANY OF THE SHIT THAT HE GETS. I don’t know what to say about him or where to start because there are so many wonderful things about J-hope that I love and appreciate. I think more than anything and this is quite obvious too b/c it’s implied through his name but I really appreciate just how energetic Hobi is and I think I came to appreciating this aspect of him a lot more after the concert. He was so energetic even though literally the night before BTS had also performed (b/c Anaheim was a 2-day stop) and that whole week had done interviews left and right and I’m pretty sure they were also practicing for the concert in between all of this. He was so energetic and gave every single performance his all and he was always constantly smiling and laughing and had a smile on his face. I literally saw the sunshine that day; I had never seen anything so bright before in my life. He performed with such energy and stamina it was out of this world. He performed as if that was his first time performing in like 6 months it was crazy. But that’s what I love about Hobi. He always puts all his effort into everything he does even though he might be really tired and even though BTS might have had hella schedules and events to do. He doesn’t let those things affect him and he tries his best all the time. I know that things have been really hard for Hoseok with people telling him to leave from BTS and that he was ugly which made him work even harder and placed him in a bad situation, but I would want him to know that he’s freaking amazing and he’s a born performer and I’ve never seen anything or anyone like him before. He’s truly different and I appreciate how hardworking and hopeful he remains despite having gotten stupid shit from people since his debut. Thanks for being the moodmaker of BTS and being the hope and sunshine that everyone needs every single day Jung Hoseok. I know it’s hard having to keep up with this image especially since there are times where you’re not always bright or hopeful and go through things, but you still try your best for us fans. I really appreciate and admire and love you for that. But please do take care of yourself as well because you are so important and crucial to BTS. We need you so you can continue to lead the members with the choreography and help them with the dances and advise them on what to do and not what to do or so you can keep saying funny jokes or do outrageous and silly things or freak out over things like snakes and bugs and ghosts. We need you so please take care of yourself my love.

V: Oh Tae.. oh V.. there are so many wonderful things about V I don’t even know where to start. He’s such a random and goofy and weird and ridiculous guy, but that’s what I love and appreciate about him. He’s seriously so random and does some of the most weirdest things ever or say some of the funniest things ever, but I think that’s what so unique and different about him. There’s always at least one member in every group who’s 4D and in BTS that happens to be everyone V. Just imagining what BTS would be like if V wasn’t in the group makes me sad and it just feels weird. As everyone knows, he was the “hidden member” of the group for some reason and he wasn’t exposed to the public until BTS’s debut got closer and closer. And I remember him talking about how he felt sad that he couldn’t talk to the fans or record any “logs” like how the rest of the members were doing b/c it was Big Hit’s plan to hide him until the very last second. Poor V. People didn’t even know that he existed until BTS’s debut. But now, here he is, standing on stage and performing throughout the world in different places and with different songs. I really admire him for his quirky traits and characteristics and his passion for fashion and art and music. It seems like he’s super into those things right now because he mentions about Gucci all the time or about how he’s into art and photography and it’s great seeing him be so curious and passionate about these subjects and topics. And I feel like V’s the type to devote all his time and energy into something he’s interested in which is what I admire about him (compared to me who has an attention span of like 2 seconds). Because of V, I laugh at his random and funny comments. I cry because he looks incredible on stage. I cry because he cries. And I smile because he cares and loves ARMY’s and BTS. He’s such a sweetheart. I also feel like he’s lowkey also innocent and naive but that might just be how I see him and maybe he’s not so innocent (wink wink). But yes, V is so precious and treasured and I love him to small bits. And pls, if you haven’t already listened to this song, please do yourself a favor and listen to it. Thanks.

Jungkook: Oh no, here comes the post about the one member I don’t want to talk about. I don’t even know what to say about Jungkook or where to start with this boy. He’s so freaking extra. LIKE YOU THINK YOU KNOW OR HAVE SEEN XTRA? SIT DOWN B/C YOU HAVEN’T. Jungkook is Jungextra and he’s so ridiculous and funny at times it makes me cry and go wild and go crazy. I can’t even handle him being so ridiculous and I’m only watching him through the screen I can’t even imagine talking to him and being extra with him. It’d be so much fun tbh. But omg, Jungkook is so adorable. I feel like a proud mother having watched Jungkook grow over the years. I first saw him in the “Graduation Song” MV with Jimin and Hoseok where he was so young, still extra, and didn’t know how to express his feelings and thoughts, but now he’s grown up to be very good looking, now emitting very seductive moves and looks on stage. Like why or how did this happen? I swear two seconds ago you barely spoke and then now here you are throwing pitches at a baseball game in Japan (this will be the biggest mystery of all time tbh). Like who are you? I feel hurt. But I am so proud of Jungkook. I think he’s grown tremendously personally/individually but also professionally. 4 years ago he didn’t want to sing for any of the BTS members and would actually cry if they kept asking him to and he didn’t talk and he was really shy and bad at expressing his feelings and then somehow I swear something must have happened and now he’s talking a lot more (uncontrollably) and he’s now showing a lot more aspects of his personality and who he really is to everyone. I lowkey miss his shy and quiet personality, but I also do really enjoy how he is now acting very wild and annoying and extra. It’s quite a show. For Jungkook, I will always have a soft spot for our Maknae. I think a big part of that is having seen him as a young kid mature and grow and develop into being the mature Maknae that he is now who constantly worries about his hyungs and cares about fans. He’s grown up to be such a wonderful person and he still remains humble and kind to this day, admitting that there are still many things he needs to improve on or like how he helped clean up trash after the ISAC event. It’s little things like these that I admire about Jungkook and I hope he never changes. He’s perfect the way he is.

(i had the hardest time picking a single photo for jimin b/c there were so many great ones i wanted to pick omg i spent so much time choosing a photo for him. i spent more time choosing a photo for him than i did on this entire post)

Jimin: I don’t really know what to say about Jimin. There are many things about him that I love and admire and appreciate. Sometimes words can’t describe or explain how I feel about him. Jimin over the years has gotten a little bit more reserved and quiet and although there are many reasons that could factor into that and although I really do miss how he used to be so explicitly silly and quirky, I still love him just as much now. I do miss his out-going and random and funny comments and personality traits and I think he’s still the same person, just not as often or explicit now which is totally okay. My little baby always feels so insecure and doubtful about himself and it pains me to see this because he’s so great at everything he does. He works so hard all the time to improve and to get better at singing, dancing, and performing among a variety of other things, but he doesn’t think he’s improving and so he stays stuck at the same place over and over again and he doesn’t see any improvement so he puts himself down and it hurts to listen to him say these things because he’s also grown so much. He puts in so much work, time, and effort into practicing and the results of all that practicing has shown and bloomed throughout the 4 years and will continue to show. In addition to his commitment and dedication into always improving and being a better version of himself than he is now, I also really appreciate just how supportive, caring, kind, and encouraging Jimin is. Countless amount of times, from BTS in AHL up to now, he’s also been the hypemaster of every BTS member. He continually supports them and compliments them and praises them (which makes sense as to why he would want the same in return). Jimin is my ultimate bias in BTS and my second bias in all of K-Pop and I remember just watching his live stage of “Lies” at the KBS Gayo Daejun and just thinking to myself like, wow, I picked the right member to stan. I made the best decision of my life by choosing Jimin as my favorite member in BTS. I was so proud watching that. His dancing has always been consistent and solid and powerful and great 4 years ago as it is now. I remember watching the special dance stage of him, J-hope, and Jungkook 4 years ago and being amazed and stunned and proud of Jimin who was getting the spotlight as main dancer of BTS in that special dance stage and then fast forward 3 and a half years later and here he is performing his solo song on an award ceremony and collaborating with legendary Taemin who also started off really young with great dancing skills. There were so many emotions I was going through when I was watching Jimin be in all these special dance collaborations and stages with other idols where he was not only getting to show his dancing talent and all the attention that came with that but he was also representing the rest of BTS and it was just a huge accomplishment and feat and I felt so proud. I always believed in Jimin’s dancing back then and I always knew he was a great dancer and I so wished for everyone else to also see that and to also notice how talented he was dancing and over the years he’s had little opportunities here and there to showcase them but the end of last year’s shows was really the one opportunity where maybe folks started to notice his dancing skills a little bit more b/c he was performing on stage with other idols and dancing to songs that weren’t BTS’s. Seeing all of this definitely just made me really proud and happy for Jimin because my baby’s dancing skills are finally being appreciated and shown to the rest of the world and he’s finally gaining recognition for something that he’s so passionate about and that I noticed since the very beginning. I know that he’s so insecure about many things, including his body and his looks and I don’t want him or the rest of BTS or anyone else to think that those things define who he is and how he should look like. I don’t want anyone making fun of him for his body and how he doesn’t have abs anymore and I don’t want him to think that way either. Sure, those things are great and are bonus points, but there are so many other things that actually matter and I am totally okay if he doesnt have abs. I actually don’t even care if he doesn’t have abs because I love him for who he is and his personality and his smile and all the other traits of him that makes up who he is. He’s so squishy and smol and talented and passionate and hard-working and he always cares about us fans as well and loves us so much and he’s just a perfect human being in my eyes. I will always have heart eyes for Jimin no matter what.

If I Could Say Anything to BTS // Dear _______,

taehyung: i know things have been a lot harder lately even though things have always been hard from the beginning. i know you try to pretend like everything’s fine so no one worries but a lot goes through your mind. i know you’ve been struggling to cope and process with your grandma’s passing and i’m so sorry my dear. my love. i know the pain. i understand the hurt. i empathize with the sadness that you’re feeling – the emptiness. i too lost my grandpa not too long ago who i also cherished and truly loved and was raised by. but i want you to know that in time things will get better. you don’t have to put up a front to act like everything’s ok if things aren’t. it’s okay to struggle; it’s okay that you’re struggling. that you’re not ok b/c sometimes you’re not always gonna be okay and that’s totally okay. take as much time as you need to yourself; to process your grandma’s passing. maybe you won’t ever be able to heal from the loss and that’s ok too. taehyung my love, you will be fine. i worry that you worry too much and is too sad and i don’t want you to be in continuous hurt. i wish for you to be happy too. just know that in time everything will be ok and everything will fall into place as it should be.

namjoon: i wish you wouldn’t blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault or is out of your control. i wish you wouldn’t be so insecure and doubtful about your skills, talents, and knowledge. i wish you wouldn’t underestimate how humble, intelligent, and creative u r. i wish you wouldn’t put yourself down and believe that you’re not a great leader. namjoon you are so much more than everything you think you are. i hope you realize how amazing and talented you are. YOU are the leader that bts needs. there are so many factors that have played a role in the success and journey of bts and your leadership is def one of them. so pls don’t discredit your role in this journey and instead give yourself some credit. i know there might be a lot of pressure for having to tackle the job of being the leader to one of kpop’s biggest boy groups who’s paving the road and foundation for many other kpop groups to follow, who continually makes history every single day. but you’re doing an amazing job at it so far and i need you to realize that. yes you might have made some mistakes in the past but you’ve grown and youve apologized and you know so much better now. bts wouldn’t be where bts is right now if it wasn’t for you who has helped with the composition and lyrics of many songs from debut up until now. you speak with such eloquence and wisdom, you always put the other members before yourself and is always thinking about them. you never want to take the spotlight so you give it to them instead. you communicate with fans all around the world and always mentions army’s where ever and whenever you can. you never forget about us but i hope that in the process of appreciating bts and army’s, you too don’t forget about yourself. b/c you play just as much of a critical and pivotal role in bts and i am so proud of you. so pls be proud of yourself as well my love.

Hoseok: Hobi you know you don’t have to always be smiling and energetic and happy if you don’t want to or don’t have the capacity to do so right? You know that just b/c your stage name is J-hope doesn’t mean that you always have to be someone’s hope or have hope yourself or believe that hope will always exist? You don’t have to carry the burden of being the moodmaker and energy of the group if that’s too much pressure on you or doesn’t accurately represent you. I hope you wouldn’t put too much weight and pressure on yourself just b/c that’s what’s expected of you and is what you’ve been doing the past 4 years since bts’s debut. it’s okay if you’re sad or mad or exhausted and if youre not always happy and energetic and hopeful. it’s totally okay. i will understand and so will others. i understand that there will be days where you won’t feel hopeful or you won’t feel happy and instead you’re gonna be sad or scared or doubtful about things. you’re probably gonna have a shitty day or something’s happened to you that makes you mad. and that’s okay. i don’t want you to stress over having this hopeful image just b/c it’s been assigned to you as if it’s something you absolutely have to do and follow and continue out everyday. b/c it’s not. you can do whatever you want and you can be whatever you want. you just being yourself – you just existing is already the hope and light to many people’s lives. you yourself is already enough my love. so please, don’t feel the pressure to be and do more than you’re already doing. you’re amazing my love.

Yoongi: i really admire you for not only your talent and passion that is clearly demonstrated in your music and performances. but i also really admire your ‘idgaf’ kind of attitude where you do whatever you want and say whatever you feel like saying. you kind of care less about how people feel and is more in tune to doing what you want or feel like doing and i admire and appreciate that about you. just knowing that you won’t change based on what people say about you b/c you know yourself more than anyone else or b/c you know that really the only opinion that matters in the end is yourself’s. i know that times have been hard especially with the past and you’ve really went through it all. you’ve worked so hard my love and you’re gonna continue to do great and amazing things. i can’t wait to witness that as i stay by BTS’s side. thank you for being such a passionate person, an intense rapper, a crazy good performer, a wacky BTS member, and for just being Min Yoongi.

seokjin: you must be really proud of your shoulders LOL. to have been born with such broad and strong shoulders and talk about them and show them off at every opportunity that you get. but that’s also the thing that i really love about you. you love yourself (even though there are times that you don’t which is totally ok) and that you are confident (vs cocky). i remember the one time where you mentioned about how it’s okay to be going through things and that you should never compare yourself to others; that just b/c someone else might also be going through things (things that are worse than yours) doesn’t mean that yours is any less significant or valid and that’s stuck out to me ever since i’ve watched that video. i live my life by that rule. since i’ve been in college i’ve practiced and emphasized on the importance of that — never invalidate yourself or your experiences. never compare yourself and your stories and experiences to anyone else’s. never think that just b/c someone else is going through rough or rougher times than you are that your issues and problems are invalid or that they don’t matter. b/c they do matter and you matter as well. so when you said that in the video, my love and appreciation for you grew so much more than it already had. in that moment i learned that you too understand this concept of validating your own experiences and existence and it meant so much to me b/c all my life i’ve always heard people tell me that i should place others before myself or ive’ heard people compare their hardships to mine and invalidate how i feel b/c they’ve gone through much worse or had it much worse than i did which made me feel bad and caused me to internalize so much negativity and perpetuate the cycle that i should always place others before me and the toxic thoughts that i dont’ matter or that i’m not going through anything difficult or challenging so i shouldn’t complain or i should just try harder. so kim seokjin, i’d like to thank you for the positive messages and words of encouragement that you continually give. they mean so much. although this one message is just one of the many wonderful messages you have given and you probably don’t even remember saying it, i still do and it honestly means the world to me to have heard from you a motto and concept that i live by and follow every single day. so thank you and thank you.

jungkook: although you are not my main bias in bts you are my second bias and i will ALWAYS have a soft spot for you. always. there’s just something about me having watched you transform from a fetus to a baby within the last 4 years and having witnessed you grow in so many ways that makes me proud and feel like i’m a mother watching her adorable little kid mature and grow and develop to be the amazing person that they were destined to be. i love how goofy you can be. i love how you always find ways to cheer the other members up. b/c you’re the youngest, you feel this pressure to impress your hyung’s and to act certain ways or to do things in a way that won’t bring any burdens onto your hyung’s. you care about them so much and you always talk about how sad you get when you see the other members sad or how much of an impact it makes on you when you see the other members beaten up and broken down. if anything this just shows how innocent and genuine and caring and kind-hearted you are. and i hope that nothing will ever cause you to change or that you will never change. i hope that you’ll stay this way for life my love. there are still so many things in life that you’ve yet to experience or to witness or know about and a part of me wants to protect you from the negativity and evil that goes on in the world b/c i don’t want anything bad to happen to you or for you to be negatively affected by anything. youre still so young and innocent and naive and have so many things to learn and have so many more ways to grow and so many more years to live and just knowing that you’ll be doing this with the rest of the bts members for the next few years warms my heart and makes me happy. thank you for always being so damn extra b/c although it can get really ridiculous it brings so much happiness and laughter into everyone’s life. thank you for always going out of your own way to make others happy and laugh and smile and feel better; thank you for always thinking about others and putting others before yourself. thank you for always being so humble and modest and admitting that you’re not great at everything (even though you really are) and for being so hardworking to improve on things that you feel you aren’t as strong in. thank you for being the maknae of the group and taking care of your hyungs. thank you for just being you jeon jungkook. you’re so precious and you must be protected at all times.

jimin: and i always save you for my last b/c you’re my first, last, and ultimate bias in bts who i will never betray and always remain loyal to but b/c you’ve claimed a spot as my second bias in all of k-pop (just after yoseob my hubby) which is a really great feat, can be difficult to accomplish, and is something that no other person has been able to do so yes park jimin, you should be proud of yourself. i don’t even know where to start with you. i first laid my eyes on you 4 years ago in the ‘no more dream’ mv and ever since then my eyes have always wandered to you and have never gone anywhere else. idk i think it was meant to be (LOL THIS IS SO CHEESY OMG BUT I GOTTA DO IT). you make me incredibly proud to be your fan, to stan you, to have chosen you as my bias in bts when there are 6 other amazing boys i could have chosen instead. but i chose you (okay i admit based on your looks and abs) after having gotten to know you better over the years and i don’t regret anything. i’m glad i chose you as my bias. i wouldn’t change anything. if i had to go back to watch the ‘no more dream’ mv like how i did four years ago and choose a bias, i would still choose you in the end. i know you have low self-esteem issues and you have a praising kink and you dont’ think that you’re good enough or don’t feel confident in yourself and it pains my heart to see this. jimin you are so great. pls tell me who were the people who made you feel this way b/c i will go and destroy them myself. i hope you receive the love and care and support and appreciation that you give to so many people. i hope you deserve all the good in this world and so much more b/c you are that worthy and important. i hope you would stop putting yourself down and stop thinking so negatively about yourself. i hope you’ll learn to love yourself in time slowly, one step at a time. i think a small draft that i wrote on my tumblr sums up how i feel about you:

dear jimin,

i hope you know you are loved. i hope you know that you are enough. i hope you know that you deserve the world and more than the world. you deserve everything. you deserve the best. you deserve happiness. laughters. smiles. tears of both happiness and joy.

it’s been about 4 years since my eyes have first laid upon you and i don’t regret anything that’s happened ever since then. my love for you from the very first time i saw you up to now has never changed. if anything, it has only grown for you even more. my love for you has strengthened and gotten louder over time.

you are so kind. and so sweet. and you care a lot. you care so much – too much maybe to the point where you become sensitive to things and you let it get to you. and i know. i know there are days that b/c you care so much about everything you struggle. and i know that b/c you care about so many things there are days that are much harder than others.

but jimin my love, do not be afraid. and do not be sad. for you are worth more than whatever people say about you. you are good enough and you will always be good enough. pls do not take to heart all the harsh and painful things people might say about you; they don’t know you like i do. they haven’t seen you in the raw and real moments like i have. they don’t even know you.

so i ask that you be strong. be strong for bts, be strong for army’s, be strong for your family and friends and for those who matter to you, but also pls, be strong most importantly for yourself. some days loving yourself will be harder than others and some days you won’t love yourself at all. there will be moments where you don’t love yourself and where all you can do is just attack yourself and put yourself down but jimin my love, i hope that on your journey to self-love and self-care and self-appreciation, you will kindly remind yourself that you are loved. that you are enough. that you are worthy. and that you are park jimin and no one can take that away from you. you are you; you are one of a kind. a star in the dark vast galaxy. the light that is ever so shining and bright.

i love you and i always will. this isn’t a farewell letter or note or anything. rather, it’s just my way of declaring my love for you in ways that i know will never reach you. but i do it anyways b/c i love you. you are precious and you are amazing.

dear jimin my love, i love you.

Everything in this letter still rings true. i love the way you smile, the way you sing, the way you dance, and yes, even the way you pull your hair back all the time with your hand. you’re so smol, so cute, but also really freaking seductive and sexy and hot at times and it drives me crazy. but it’s all these things and so much more about you that i love and appreciate. so i hope you never change and i hope you stay this way. i love you so much. so so much that sometimes words can’t describe or explain what i feel for you. i appreciate you in ways that i have never done with anyone else. you bring so much light and greatness and happiness into my life. i’m so grateful that i was able to have seen you with my very own eyes on April 2, 2017. hell, i was nervous af and i was shaking b/c i couldn’t believe that the person that i absolutely love and care and support was right in front of my eyes. but there you were right in front of me and i am truly blessed and one of the luckiest people alive to have seen you in person. i’m so grateful and blessed that i was able to be in the same place at the same time and moment as you; to have been breathing the same air you were breathing (ok that’s kind of creepy but you get what i mean) and to have heard you singing and performing to the songs that i love and listen to everyday. i am grateful to be alive. i am blessed by your existence and presence. so park jimin my love, i love you. thank you for being you. thank you for being true. thank you for being here.

 

This post took me weeks to start and complete so here is the end result — just in time for their 4th anniversary. God, it makes me surprised when I think about how it’s been 4 year since BTS’s debut. Time has passed by really fast (“time flows like stars”). The past 4 years has definitely had its up’s and down’s; the members went through a lot and had to deal with a lot shit from people and have gone through plenty of trials, errors, mistakes, failures, and even possible disbandment. It’s crazy to think about the BTS now vs. the BTS 4 years ago. Who would have known that the small BTS that debuted from a small unknown company 4 years ago who barely had the funds and money to support BTS would transform into being one of the biggest kpop groups right now setting trends and history left and right every single day? You just don’t think that’s possible because it’s rare to see a case like that nowadays in K-Pop. But for BTS, who literally placed all their blood, sweat, and tears both pre and post debut have hit the jackpot. They’re here now and they’re not gonna leave anytime soon. They were definitely rewarded for the hard work that they put into their music careers; hard work does pay off and BTS is the epitome of that.

Even though they’ve grown so much internationally and domestically throughout the years, I think the thing about them that I love, appreciate, and admire the most about them is just that they remain true to themselves. They never forget their roots, where they came from, and the struggles and challenges they faced pre-debut. Those sad and difficult memories are the things that motivate them to keep doing the work they’re doing and to keep them grounded despite having earned such great levels of success. They understand (and worry about often) that just because they’re successful now doesn’t mean they will always be successful; everyone will fall inevitably so for now they’re just focused on enjoying the present and the moments they’re surrounded with. They know that even though they’ve become so successful and have garnered worldwide love and attention, they’re gonna stay in Korea and continue to make music in Korea because that’s where they started and that’s what where they wanna end. That’s been their formula to success. And because they know how hard they worked to get to where they are now and how precious every single second is, they cherish it and they work even harder to maintain it and to keep these moments. A lot of feelings and emotions overcome me when I think about BTS because I know just how difficult and hard things were for them and how many people didn’t believe in them and made fun of them at their debut and didn’t think they were going to make it so seeing them so successful now makes me relieved and proud and happy but also in constant disbelief and surprise. They’re doing so great and amazing and I hope they continue to remain humble and modest and kind and in the midst of all their success and precious moments of life, they never forget their roots and where they came from. But I also have hope that they won’t take this time for granted because they’ve gone through so much so they’re gonna continue to remain grateful and appreciative of everything that’s happened to them.

To BTS, I love you all seven very very much and along with the rest of Big Hit staff, Bang PD, and everyone else at Big Hit, I want to thank you for existing and singing and dancing and making music, but most of all, for believing in yourself. For not giving up even though you really wanted to and even though times were really difficult that you did want to give up. Thank you for always working so hard even when you barely have any energy or stamina to keep you going. Thank you for always trying your hardest in everything that you do. Thank you for being you. It’s been 4 years that I’ve been with y’all and I don’t regret anything that’s happened. I’m actually grateful that I gave y’all a chance by watching the ‘No More Dream’ MV because I have experienced so much happiness ever since.

So BTS and ARMY’s, let’s continue to stay happy together for a very long time and to keep going. It’s only been 4 years, there are still so many more years ahead of us to live and experience. Let’s never betray each other and instead keep trusting and relying on each other for support and love like how we’ve been doing the past 4 years. Just like how I wish the friendships and relationship created in BTS lasts for an eternal life, I too hope this relationship between BTS and ARMY’s will never end. This journey hasn’t always been the easiest and it won’t be easy and it probably won’t get any easier and it probably won’t ever be easy, but I have faith that you BTS will be fine and will do great and if you keep doing what you’ve been doing the past 4 years, everything will be alright. So BTS, happy 4 years. Happy 4th anniversary. Let’s keep going. Let’s keep living. Let’s keep loving. And most of all, let’s keep flying together with the wings that were given to us.